Have you not been able to sleep because you have been in my dreams?
What is best has been commenced and ever since the change has been effective, I never did not think if I should have kept it.
I’m one with capability to adore from afar.
Thank you. Thank me. Thank where we come from.
We don’t have to pressure connection to be connected – if the universe doesn’t take care of it, it is not meant to be a thing in our worlds. And it can’t be fought. Nothing great is forced.
A balloon in the sky, let’s stop making ourselves so grand for a moment.
I’m one with the capability to appreciate from afar.
Sounds like I’m making all the shots but really,
I just want to talk without saying a word.
It may be like pulling teeth to pull the message from this message.
I can barely be clear even if though it is just a blank paper and me.
The power of writing; to conceal and execute to let your troubles and blessings into the air of the universe setting them free from your soul simply to be in peace again.
A good amount of energy going into things that may show out to be pointless
I’m saying, what is the point if the pencil is not sharp?
Because when I speak to you, not even like a dart board does it hit the middle
Seems like you just couldn’t catch the point.
The angel on my right shoulder would never steer me left, she asks me to give the benefit of the doubt but you can add color only so many times until you taint the original picture once expressed,
Now it’s paint splatter, mind matter all over
The paint brush and canvas that was once clean is no longer comparable to your dream once dreamt
Love has strained you to utilize other colors to show and tell fear as well as divergence cause some of us won’t believe it until we see it
Don’t blame us, it is how we’ve been molded
To where we not only want but need to feel movement, need to see improvement, in loves order to see that the person who is beside us can do it, without the gimmicks
Pursuing a cold heart will only kill a bold soul.
Today, if you attain the willpower,
Knock down the walls you’ve built to be sky scrapers,
Have you ever stopped to consider if you’re a giver or a taker?
Well, if not I’ll let you marinate in the thought
My girl Jasmine told me it ain’t a piece of writing ’til the truth begins to leak
So until next time, make sure you leave food on the table for other loved ones to eat
Things are in the midst of shifting and I’m learning right now and do not wish to speak upon any old knowledge. Next time I speak will be in regard to my new knowledge.
Initially, I trusted abundantly – select individuals changed my view on trust
unfortunately I didn’t believe hard enough that I had a choice to replenish my trust
So I lost it
I did not trust any longer
I was cold for a long time
Time passed. People passed.
I ended up renewing the almighty perspective to trust again because I realized I needed it to love again in order to love genuinely again.
As of late, I’m remembering why I stopped trusting so loosely and freely
People love you whilst treating you like a lemon, ferociously squeezing the pulp out of you.
Or to put it plainly use the fuck out of you until they are done with you
or perhaps they will use you as a stepping stool, in the least genuine way
Although it is our choice to be or to not be an expired, moth-eaten lemon,
The trial and error cycle is rather tiring
My method to my mechanism is always to include rather than exclude people,
in such a way that we can simply interchange healthy perspectives and not indulge in poor ones for the sake of self respect and protection
To not trust shouldn’t equal to closing ourselves off to other individuals and hate,
an atrocious amount of negativity will be internalized this way.
I don’t know who you are but I can offer you some perspective along your journey
As it is your choice to consider and your choice to pass on it
Please choose the way you pave your path wisely
Someone asked me – “What is your biggest challenge as a writer?”
My toughest struggle when I write is my fear of not delivering to my audience the way I want to be received. It stresses me when I write that I may not be received the way I want to be. Quite honestly, I’ve found comfortablility in being misunderstood – I figured the hell with forcing interpretation, my job as a writer is to be acknowledged, not understood.
Thank you for acknowledging me as a writer, too, by the way – it was also my struggle that I won’t be received as a real writer – that very dam wouldn’t allow my thoughts and words to flow coherently – One day I decided to take the strain off my soul and paint a picture I can hang and now my notebook is full of colors and words and life and struggle and happiness.
It would not suit my soul for this week to not be better than the last
I’m almost sure it will be more peaceful, for I have the power to make things go in that direction
I hope your week is better than your last and that your movements take you forwards not backwards
I, for one, need a break away from it all.
I feel over exposed when in reality I’m still just developing
Just developing; still changing
I am ever changing
Therefore I have the power to make peace.
In this weeks motives and goals I plan to sleep every night without the feeling that it is necessary to put the world away but instead simply wanting to get a good nights rest.
To not enter the realm of my dreams with these demons on my mind
But to sleep with a harmonious mind ready to bask in my dreams as my body is still
Because at the end of your day – what you dream is what you subconsciously think.
To put demons in my own definition – Some things I’m talking about are —
- The way I demean or lower my own dignity and lead myself into believing I am not great enough for a certain area of life
- The people around me who love me in the ‘wrong’ way because it isn’t love it’s hate
- The other portion of people around me in which I love but cannot trust because my dreams won’t allow me to
- Keeping up with the socially constructed life I was brought into involuntarily
I believe these demons can be erased in the name of faith
and the reminder that worrying is a waste of feeling.
So today’s challenge asks me to free write which I haven’t done in some time — as this should be interesting, I hope I can keep your interest.
I woke up this morning I felt like something was on my chest and I purposely chose to not get off in fear of giving people far too much attention or in fear of vulnerability. That is how I’ve become over the years – If I feel like I’m being crossed the wrong way, lied to or just feel uncomfortable due to someone else’s action that I’m involved with through any kind of relationship – I am not the kind of tell them to “fix” themselves because of the way I feel. I predominantly let that person choose their own action for we are the owners of ourselves and let that be that. It isn’t my job to tell someone they should do this or can’t do that.
I feel this way because only in a wrong mind will I agree to someone telling me how to live my life, interact with certain people and or just be myself.
I also understand somewhere along the line this is terrible communication and if you’re wondering – yes, I do try to work on it and believe it or not I’ve gotten a tad better at saying what makes me feel comfortable and what doesn’t, however, if I feel like the way I feel won’t really change if I say something or do not say something I very simply remove myself from the situation because I don’t believe it is where I belong. I belong to myself while more importantly and deeply, I belong to places where I can be myself without any negative energy that can possibly exert whilst being around other people. If I can groove with the vibe of a location alongside the people in the location – that is top five disgracing doings [if I said that correctly] – I’ve tried it before – being somewhere with people who I do not know personally, who I do not have a reason to hate because I do not know them personally, we are all human and we are all equal – there should be no negative frequencies in that yet believe or not you heard it here first, people nowadays [ I say nowadays because this is my era, I am young and have only been here for not even over two decades] are toxic and filled with hate, jealousy, confusion – maybe all disguised as love? Who knows. I’m currently being led to believe that it is possible that some people do not know that they need cleansing – It’s levels to this toxic negative life style.
I’m trying to be stronger than my demons everyday and I’m trying to replace what doesn’t benefit me: being on social networks heavy, not spending enough time with my family, eliminating toxic souls from my life – in exchange for what does benefit me: caring for those close more, writing more – this is a big thing, making more money from what I do.
This was my free write.
You want to be loved.
You need to feel accepted
It isn’t easy. It’s a journey of change.
Such a journey I can cry.
We want to love and we won’t allow our very own selves, to love. We’ve heard of not attaining the power to control anyone or anything else but if you think..really think…. You can allow yourself to any thought and any action.
Be brave – Enjoy the time you have today.
Open your heart and don’t let pride deny you.
Show your scars and wounds to the skies and let your wounds radiate off of the sunlight.
Realize love is not a game and nothing stays the same.
Change for love.
Thank you for visiting even though I haven’t written anything for you in some time.
I’ve been busy trying to be an adult and handle situations maturely
I’ve actually been wondering why each out come for every action I do reveals itself to be so prematurely.
Undone, untimely, undeveloped.
Half of what that brings is discontentment, it sort of makes me feel like an adolesent
I’m grateful I’m trying. I’m appreciative I’m not dying.
The other half of what it brings is a boost of courage and divergence.
Dare to be different and responsible. Please.
Because the very thought of each of us being responsible for our own lives, scares the shit out of us.
Be awake. You can achieve the bravest things when done so.
When you survive and you make it you would have to know the meaning… this is your lifestyle for life.
You are no longer dreaming.
I did you a favor. I got up and left. For you.. mostly.
I couldn’t have been brought down anymore.
I was an anchor in the sea, I had to come up to breathe.
You might think I’m selfish cause it seems all about me…
Yet you don’t make someone stay if they don’t want to be.
They say it’s better to include than exclude
But why would I have you figuring out clues
When I can just say I don’t want you.